Candlewick Green

Good Lord, it's 1977, punk has taken the nation by the scruff of the neck and given it a fucking good kicking, and Candlewick Green are still dressing like the Rubettes. Actually, they typify a largely (and deservedly) forgotten seam of British light entertainment, which included Bruce Forsyth, It Ain't Half Hot Mum and the completely indefensible Black And White Minstrel Show.

I mean, can you believe that a) the BBC still broadcast that stuff in the '70s, and b) people watched it? Shocking. In fairness, I can't hold that against the Candlewick boys, but I can blame them for their peculiar brand of low-budget weak-as-water covers of contemporary hits, so I shall. Candlewick Green is really quite disgraceful, bringing grubby workingmen's clubs and racist 'comedians' to mind, although, in fairness, I'm sure they were only trying to make a living like the rest of us. OK, not like the rest of us, because we wouldn't have gone out and played shite versions of already shite songs like You Make Me Feel Brand New and Feelings to bored parents and screaming kids in crummy regional venues called things like the Steel-Grunters and Taplock Club or suchlike.

Amusingly, the hapless Dudley Jones plays his Mellotron on most tracks, desperately trying to fill in for the absent orchestra, accidentally creating one of the weirdest 'Tron-stuffed albums I've ever heard in the process, and that includes the Small Wonder album. You name it, he plays it: fast runs on several tracks, notably Who Do You Think You Are, a front-of-the-mix part on the crummy Feelings, and overdubbed strings and cellos on Yesterday, in a vain attempt to recreate the original. At least he doesn't contribute to the awful backing vocals, buttock-clenchingly out of tune on the unlisted She Loves You at the beginning of their Beatles medley on side two. Maybe that's why it's unlisted. It should be.

But you know what? I've got a sneaking sort of respect for Candlewick Green, in a perverse kind of way. They ploughed their own furrow, ignoring current trends (those clothes were well on the way out in '77), even releasing this album on (their own?) independent, Storm Records (based in Blackpool! Yes!), in true punk style. Maybe. Shockingly, although discographical information is unsurprisingly hard to come by, they released at least two other albums, What Kind of Songs in '74 (seemingly on Decca!), and Making It in 1980. 1980? Do you think they still had the same suits? Let's hope so. Anyway, I suspect this is the only time I've given this particular combination of stars and Ts; I actually toyed with an extra half T, but came to my senses just in time. Of course, should I happen to find anything else by this lot, I may just have to buy it, just on the offchance there's as much Mellotron as here... Or maybe not.

The single "Who Do You Think You Are" is a cover of a song by Jigsaw. The song was also covered by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods and by Candlewick Green, a winning act on the UK talent show Opportunity Knocks.

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